Oh no. No…no….no….no….

This isn’t real, fortunately.

Mercury Retrograde Body Mitten!

But the description unfortunately rings a little too true in describing the effects on the minds of believers.

Don’t fear the Retrograde, y’all! It’s only an astronomical optical illusion.*

(*Except when it comes to the MTA. And my cell phone. And my computer at work. And computer at home. And my communications with pretty much everyone. Okay, forget it. Buy the sweater.)