As a kid, I annoyed friends and relatives by changing my mind about what I wanted to be when I grew up every hour.
“You’re going to have to pick SOMETHING!” the exasperated friend, cousin, or babysitter would say. It was daunting. Pick one thing to do every day forever when there are so many things that I like to do??? Fortunately or unfortunately, I became an adult in a world where people often change careers three or four times, so “picking one” is no longer as important as “trying one.” Still, it doesn’t stop prospective employers, well-meaning older relatives, or curious colleagues from asking, “Where do you see yourself in five years? What do you want your legacy to be? What is it you want to do?”
Those questions continuously send me back to my meditation space–often in tears. I don’t know, I tell them. Why don’t I know? I ask myself. I’m 32–can’t I just know already? Or if I don’t know, can’t I just be comfortable in my not-knowingness? Do I really have to know?
Six weeks ago, I KNEW. I knew I didn’t want to work for anyone other than me. I knew I craved the freedom of self-employment more than the stability of working for a company. I had the drive and I worked and worked. Money was trickling in, enough to be encouraging but not enough to keep up my end of Coco-and-Boyfriend Home and Expenses. Something would have to compromise. I applied for a part-time job and got it–but I got more than a paycheck. I gained access to a whole new set of skills, brilliant new colleagues, and reunion with brilliant old friends. My new job sits one floor above where I attended Seminary for a time, where many of my former classmates have stayed to continue their scholarly journeys. Immensely overjoyed and thoroughly irritated–I was right back into the “I don’t know” place.
Gifts can be confusing. Blessings make us think differently. We might have been comfortable, but a beautiful door opens and suddenly our former path doesn’t seem right. It’s exciting, but bewildering. One repeated question I get from clients is: “Am I going in the right direction?” In my own meditation last night, I asked the same question. I shuffled my deck and out came The High Priestess and The Star.
The Star can represent a calling. When it appears in readings, the direction may not be clear, but it is right. The High Priestess serves as a reminder that we don’t have to know where we’re going to know that where we’re going is right. That Intuitive Beacon, the HPS, knows more about our paths than we do. When she shows up in my readings, I take a deep breath. Something is working…even if I don’t understand it.
“Keep Going….” says the Star and the High Priestess. “You don’t need to know everything right now.”
Tarot Tuesday once again! Each week, I pull single cards for a few random questions at a random point during the day. You have to answer fast when you see me post if you want to get your question answered! Follow me on Twitter or Friend me on FaceBook to play!
The Tarot is vague on gender–it doesn’t always recognize a person’s biological personhood….but in this case, there’s a little girl receiving flowers from an older boy. Perhaps because I know that the querrent already has a little boy…my Tarotfied suspicion is that the the 6 of Cups is saying ‘GIRL!’ Congrats!
Let’s talk about a “HELL YEZ!” answer! The Knight of Swords is the biggest, baddest, DO THIS THING card in the deck. His downfall? He doesn’t always bring cash. But given that the question is philosophy, there’s an essence of messaging and understanding. The Knight of Swords does well with this–deliver the words, let the voice be heard. Your answer is yes. The Tarot believes philosophy is right for you.
7 of Coins Reversed urges not too much introspection–and definitely suggests getting out. When it’s upright, internal work is necessary but since it’s flipped its lid for you, you’ve done enough of the thinking–it’s time to start doing! Get out now that the weather is better. It may not be necessary to focus on a single direction as much as it is to just be out and meeting people.
Thanks all for playing!!!! See you next week!