In 2021, I had a devastating loss. The kind of loss that breaks one’s world.
Afterward, I looked at books I’d loved before, but now couldn’t remember what I’d liked about them. I tried wearing my favorite clothes, but didn’t know why I’d ever favored them. Even frying an egg felt hard. Everything looked and felt hollow, a shell of nothing. Nothing felt more like a shell than my altar.
I wanted to be angry at the gods, but it’s difficult to be angry at something you no longer believe in.
Losing my beliefs in Witchcraft took only one terrible night.
In my Catholic middle and high schools, religion teachers spoke about losing faith as though it were a problem to solve: When did we question our faith? How fast could we begin to believe in the Christian God again? Faith was essential and if we lacked faith, we needed to find it immediately. Inability to resurrect faith (pardon the pun) was a failure.
Witches often avoid the word “faith.” Perhaps it resonates too much with the religions many of us left behind. We more often use “trust,” as in “Trusting the Magick,” “Trusting the Gods,” or “Trusting ourselves” or simply “belief.” But no matter which term we use, grief shakes them all.
When we grieve, we may wonder if what we believed in ever existed. We may question our most extraordinary spiritual experiences, wondering if they were imagined or hallucinated.
If you struggle to believe in Magick in the early days of your loss, you are NOT failing as a person, or as a Witch.
You are simply experiencing the very human reality of losing faith amid grieving.
Be patient with yourself. Accept your post-loss beliefs, whatever they may be, for what they are, now.
You are grieving. You do not need more work to do.
Try these things, instead:
Allow yourself to move as slowly as your life allows you.
Allow yourself to stop, when possible.
Allow yourself to cry when you can.
Allow yourself to respond in ways that may seem odd to yourself or others such as laughing more than usual, or sitting quietly in a jovial setting.
Don’t push yourself to reanimate your beliefs in Witchcraft.
Part of your healing journey will likely involve returning to your beliefs once more. You’re likely to find that they’ve taken a new shape.
Whatever you do, be gentle with yourself. You’re a grieving Witch, not a failing Witch.
Order “Sacred Tears”
“I wish I had this book 20 years ago. This is a wonderful book to help journey through your grief through a pagan lens.” ~Stacy P. (Amazon reviewer).
When grief leaves you reeling, struggling not only emotionally but also spiritually, this book offers support from a Witch’s perspective. Sacred Tears: A Witch’s Guide To Grief shares rituals, prayers, journal prompts, and other exercises specially designed to help with all kinds of grief, whether it’s from the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, a community fracture, or environmental destruction. Includes a foreword by Christopher Penczak.
This Weekend:
Portland, OR:
Saturday, Sept 26: Hekate: Goddess of Witches. Join me at Blackthorn Mercantile for a book talk and chat about Hekate. It’s only $10 and the shop is sooooo beautiful.
Online:
Sunday, Sept 27: Hekate: Building A Spiritual Practice. History, mythology, and methods of building a modern spiritual practice with the ancient Goddess of Magick, the crossroads, life, and death. Hekate, known as the Goddess of Witches. is one of the most popular goddesses in modern Paganism…but who is she? Frequently known as a Goddess of ghosts, this liminal entity is also a patroness of fertility, healing, the cosmos, but most of all, Witchcraft. This class will explore the various attributes of Hekate, her history and mythology, and how modern people can build a practice with her including:
- How to know if Hekate is calling out to you
- What offerings and rituals are pleasing to Hekate
- Sacred days and times to best honor Hekate
- Build the foundations of a personal practice
This live, virtual class will be recorded and all ticket holders will have access to the recording for 30 days. Register here.