The following is an excerpt from my forthcoming book “Sacred Tears: A Witch’s Guide To Grief,” which is now available for pre-order at this link.
Witchcraft is largely rooted in a belief that it is possible to exert control over our existence.
If a spell doesn’t go as planned, Witches often reflect on what went wrong in their formula and explore what else can be done Magickally to ensure future success. If Witches hit a general spate of bad luck (a sick pet, a rent increase, a lover ghosting, an argument at their job, or a layoff), one of the first things they may do is cleanse themselves or their space of negativity or seek divination to determine if a curse is present. These rituals are meant to regain power over circumstance.
But loss teaches us that full control is an illusion.
If someone dies or stops loving us, or the house burns down, no candles, spells, or incantations will turn back time and prevent what happened from happening.
This is one of the hard truths many Witches experience in their post-loss world. We do not have the control we thought we had. This is a humbling, even horrifying, realization.
The good news: A lack of control isn’t bad news.
Accepting a certain lack of control gives our grief more space to be its uncouth, uncontrolled self. When we’re not occupied with attempting to control, we give ourselves less responsibility in the strange, new world created by loss.
There will be moments when the grief feels like it will control you forever, but those moments will pass.
Some moments will feel longer than others.
They will pass too.
Not every grief moment will leave you in tears. Grief manifests in rage, exhaustion, confusion, or even laughter.
Give yourself the grace of remembering that you have been injured every bit as much as if you had been in a physical accident. You aren’t going to move with your regular speed, literally or figuratively.
Allow yourself to move as slowly as your life allows you.
Allow yourself to stop when possible.
Allow yourself to cry when you can.
Allow yourself to respond in ways that may seem odd to yourself or others, such as laughing more than usual or even feeling nothing.
Grant yourself this gift: accept the lack of control in the wake of your loss.
To explore an exercise in navigating the lack of control in your post-loss world, join The Cauldron Calling: A Virtual Platform For The Magickally-Minded. I will be sharing with paid tier members an exercise from my forthcoming book: Sacred Tears: A Witch’s Guide To Grief, which you can pre-order, here!
