This is why I haven’t accepted your dinner invites or written a coherent email in weeks:

Me: I’m going to take a break and look at Facebook! How cool! I have friends in town from far away! There’s a Priestess from one of my family’s homelands talking about cool sh*t for one night only…..and wow! Look at all the parties! Look at all the free festivals that are this year and only this year! I should totally get out there and…
Book: HAHAHAHA!!!! Just kidding. You have to stay home with me. HAHAHAHAA!!!!!

Me: Wow, crazy-busy at work today. Need to hone in and get stuff done.
Book: BWAH!!! IT’S MEEEE! I have a really great idea about me. Write it on a post-it. Well, you’re probably going to need two. Or twelve. Because if you don’t write it down, you’re totally going to forget and I’m totally not telling you anything later.
Me: This is a bad idea, Book.
Me: A whole lunch hour to myself at the coffee shop! Let’s get a few notes written down in these precious minutes….
Book: (Zzzzzz…..)
(7:00 p.m.)
Me: Now is the perfect time to write.
Book: HAHAHAHA! No. Not now.
Me: But….
Book: HAHAHAHA! Nope.
(10:00 p.m.)
Me: Gee, I’m tired. I think it’s time for bed.
Book: HAHAHA! Just kidding. I’m ready to talk, now.
(1:37 a.m.)
Me: I have GOT to go to bed.
Book: Oh, no…wait! You know that connection between human sacrifice and oak trees and how they’re all somehow friggin’ connected to a Goddess of healing! I’m just a paragraph away from making that connection you’ve been screaming about all week, so no bed. No.
Me: But I have to work tomorrow!
Me: You are such an asshole, Book.
Book: Hee.
Me: (Sigh).