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steampunk tarot - the devilThe Devil is one of my least favorite cards. Although I’ve written about how the Devil can be a positive sign–even in a love reading!–I’m never thrilled when the creepy character emerges from the middle of the deck.

I wondered if a pro-fracker would crash the Pagan Expo I was scheduled to work. It was a fundraiser for the Pagan Environmental Coalition. Would we attract detractors?

Or maybe the Devil is the system of pollution we’re trying to fight? I looked at the small characters fighting the big monster and hoped so.

As it turned out, two days in a row I ran into two different people from my past–both of whom I would have labeled “The Devil” at one time.

Both of these people had something in common: They both had significant roles in my life for a time but for a series of reasons, we decided we were better off not being in the same space. Both of them “sealed that contract” with angry, harsh emails. Both of them saw me as the source of their suffering. For the sake of their privacy, I won’t elaborate but let it suffice to say that I don’t agree. In both of those cases, after receiving those emails, the first thing I did was block all of their communications with me. The second thing I did was call my BFF to say, “WTF????” The third thing I did was go to my altar and sit with Spirit. Why had these things happened? What was my role? What could I do about it? I didn’t get an answer for either of them, immediately. I was too angry and hurt. Spirit told me to breathe.

Sometimes….we just have to blow out our hair, manifest a silver gown, and allow our inner powers to stop giving a fuck.
(This version isn’t for the kiddies! Just a warning!)

After the two run-ins, I meditated last night on the meaning of The Devil. Enough time had passed where I don’t feel as much anger and hurt–more confusion. There’s a saying that goes, “What people think about you says more about them than you.” I think we do have some responsibility for inciting certain reactions in other, but much of it we don’t. Devils don’t always come out of nowhere. Often, we assign our Devils. In my meditation last night, I saw how those two people had made me responsible for all of their suffering. Their pain, which started long before they met me, needed an outlet and I happened to be it. Am I completely without fault? No. But am I completely responsible for all that is wrong with their lives? Absolutely not. But at some point, they each decided that I was. I was their Devil.


It made me think–who are my Devils? Who have I assumed was the source of my unhappiness and in those cases, how much of that was really true and how much of that was in my head?
In my final moments at the altar, I prayed for those who have hurt me in the past. I dug for love for the person beneath the harsh words and disrespectful actions. The Goddess told me I never had to like these people or want to hang out with them, but to remember that we were all born from the same Star dust that composes all existence. They are of my body and I am of theirs.
If I keep digging deeper, I’ll find the love to smother the Devils of my heart.
This morning, I drew the Sun:
The Sun
Both card images come from Barbara Moore’s Steampunk Tarot.