“How can I connect with my Ancestors if I didn’t know my Ancestors?”
I get this question a lot! It most often comes from people who were adopted, or whose families were small, or whose family immigrated and they never met their grandparents, aunts or uncles, etc.
Not knowing one’s Ancestors is a common situation. But it’s not a problem.

In fact, sometimes that’s even better!
Sometimes, people who have been “On the other side” longer may be more helpful than those who have recently passed. I don’t know why that is, but perhaps souls need more time to settle, or rest.
Alternatively, many people struggle with Ancestors they knew in life, particularly if they were abusive or unkind living, may understandably not want to connect with these specific. Be sure to check out “What If I Have Problematic Ancestors?”
Also, not all Ancestors are of blood! Especially if you are an artist, activist, or member of a community of traditionally marginalized folx, you may have Ancestors with whom you weren’t related and never met, but you still carry their light and legacy.
If you, like so many, would like to connect with Ancestors that you perhaps didn’t know in life, here is a suggested rite:
- Light a candle. Any color is fine!
- Set a glass of water beside the candle (the practice of including a glass of water was kindly taught to me by friends in the Espiritismo community)
- ***Optional, but super helpful: A blossom of Malva Neglecta, aka “Common Mallow.” If you can get this flower, set it in the glass of water.
Offer a prayer to connect with these Ancestors. A suggested one, which you are welcomed to and encouraged to edit to suit your Spirit, is below:
Spirits of Blood and Spirits of Love
To those who see my Path
Support my Path
Honor my Path
I humbly ask you to help guide my Path
This practice can be done at any time, but the week of and one week after Halloween is particularly effective for this work. This practice also beautifully pairs with the Tarot practice outlined, here, where you may find out which Ancestors want to help you at this time.
More Ancestor Practices:
Don’t forget to register for Hekate and the Healing Journey
My brand-new, three-part virtual class on Hekate and the Healing journey begins Oct 27. In this class, we’ll explore the Goddess Hekate, her mythology and legacy of healing, connecting with Hekate during major life transitions, and building a personal healing practice in partnership with Hekate.
Book your space, here. If you can’t join all (or any!) of the classes in live time, every session will be recorded and available to all registrants for 30 days after final class.
Join the FREE Ancestral Magic Summit from Oct 28-30, hosted by Wendy Mata @Brujapower, a 5th-generation Bruja Curandera. Together, we will honor our roots, heal generational wounds, and embrace the wisdom of those who came before us.
This sacred experience features an incredible lineup of healers, witches, and magical practitioners. I will be presenting from my new book Sacred Tears: A Witch’s Guide To Grief.
Tap here to claim your free ticket