Year ago, I was fresh from a terrible break-up when I dreamed of a college boyfriend.

In the dream, we were on a train, staring intently at one another. When I woke, I felt like I’d been hit in the head. In my experience, a ‘loud’ dream is a psychic dream. But we hadn’t spoken in years, so I went on with my day.

That afternoon, I got an email from him.

‘I had a dream about you last night,’ his email said. ‘How are you?’ 

As it turned out, he’d broken up with his fiancee just a few days before I’d ended my last relationship. We marveled at the connection. It must mean something. We were 3,000 miles apart but if we had such a connection, we had to meet up. He bought a ticket to New York City, where I was living at the time. It was the unfolding of a great love story, sparked by a deep, unbroken psychic connection.

He did come to New York. We had a pleasant visit. But pleasant was all it was. By the end of the long weekend, we knew it wouldn’t happen. He went back to the West Coast and we both married other people. The end.

We had a psychic connection. But we weren’t meant to be. 

In my Tarot work, I often get panicked questions such as, “I dreamed she was in trouble, and then she called!” “He crossed my mind and then I saw him at Starbucks!” “I just knew they were going to text, and then they did!”  Understandably, the querent believes this is a sign that the (often failed) relationship is up for a reboot.

Sometimes, that’s true. More often, it’s not.

If it’s not meant to be, why are we psychically linked? 

I don’t know. But I have a few ideas.

1.) It’s evolution.

Without fur, claws, great eyesight, or superior speed, we humans aren’t well equipped for this planet. We’ve done okay with thumbs and “intellect,” but it’s the mysterious sixth sense that kept us alive and allowed us to evolved. The warning sense when a saber-tooth tiger was lurking in the bushes was essential to survival. This psychic sense likely extended to members of our tribes: the prickles on the back of a neck signaled a wayward child was being eyed by a predator, or the random instinct to gather a few more herbs before realizing an Elder was in need of medicine. This mysterious knowing is not only what allowed us to protect ourselves individually, but also allowed our communities to thrive.

My ex was once part of my “tribe.” That link lingered. My old psychic sense picked up that he was lonely, as his did mine. Maybe it was our lizard brains telling us to scramble our DNA since we were both partner-free. We didn’t and we moved on with our lives. When I do dream about him (very rarely, now), I let it go. Nevit Dilmen

2.) Spirits around us may think dating again a great idea, but Spirits don’t know everything. 

A former Covener dreamed of her ex’s grandmother. The Covener had not spoken to the ex in over a year and was unaware that his grandmother had passed away. The dream was so strong that she called him, only to learn that he had planned to call her that very day because he missed her. The psychic moment delighted them both and they dated again. A year later, they ran into the same old issues and, re-heartbroken, ended things for good.

The sweet Grandmother Spirit clearly meant well. She must have liked my former Covener and wanted her to marry her grandson. But Otherworldly coaxing doesn’t always symbolize a relationship’s future. I’ve run into this many times, particularly when the Spirits involved are family. Deceased family is strongly invested in the happiness of their kin and sometimes their wishful thinking influences the living, negatively.

Love your helpful Ancestors. Thank them. Then, take their advice with a strong, mortal grain of salt.

3.) It’s not a psychic moment at all–the old flame may be a permanent part of your symbolic psychology. 

When I was in the seventh grade, I was deep in 12-year old love with a classmate. I wrote him anonymous love letters and when his friends discovered I was the author, they went on a brutal Humiliate Courtney campaign. It was gross. This boy still pops up in my dreams, but it doesn’t mean I have a connection with him. He, for me, is my psyche telling me to be careful of whom I trust. In many of these dreams, I introduce myself as I am now, letting him know I’m not the “big nerd” he once rejected. His appearance is sometimes a sign that I’ve overcome something.

I won’t lie and say those dreams have never prompted me to google him just to see what he’s up to. But those visions aren’t signs that I need to be in his life.

Whether this is an ex or someone you’ve just started seeing, a psychic connection does not automatically indicate your relationship will thrive. Do yourself a favor: Don’t chase after every vision.

Like our non-psychic encounters, our psychic lives are chaotic and often random. Sometimes our psychic wires just get mixed up. It’s not a sign that we should run off into the hills, together.

Remember a few things:

1.) Even if your premonitions are correct and there is something wrong with your ex, trust that they have helpful people around them. At the very least, they have 911. If they have a problem, it’s likely not your problem to solve.

2.) Well-meaning Spirits and Ancestors, just like well-meaning living people, probably don’t know the whole story. When they appear and encourage you to hook back up with the person who treated your heart like a treadmill, thank them, but remind them that there is a reason you split in the first place.

3.) If you’re getting tired of seeing an old flame’s face in your dreams, ask yourself what they represented to you. Then, work with your psyche to come up with some new symbols. See if your mind can replace the flame with a kitten or Jason Momoa.

Ah, geez. My ex and my ‘song’ came on Pandora just now. IS IT A SIGN???? 


Mazzy Star’s Fade Into You is not telling me to call my ex (omg…yes, that was our song. Glad it made you laugh. I’m laughing).

I do, however, see it as a sign that I was meant to write this blog post. Maybe our Guides are all worn out by our jumping at every trickle of Spiritual connection. Maybe they’re happy to have us focus on our path and not on someone who is wrong for us, simply because of a psychic connection.

If these connected people are really meant to be with us, ignoring a sign here and there won’t stop it. In the meantime, enjoy your life.